Feeling Like Wet Velvet

Dear Humans or as my sister would say hoomans,

I feel so sad. Almost out of it and I don't quite understand why. Maybe it's because the days all meld together like honey.  Endlessly pouring. I feel like I want to disappear. I have been having those cravings for liquor or something burning hot. Something to distract from my sense of restlessness and confusion. I feel like a cheesy individual stuck between feeling and action. I want to have a go button so at least I make some sort of step forward because all I feel  that I am doing is standing still. Just disappearing.

And I don't know if it's due to my current work situation or if it's due what occured. I can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes we make things much more grander then they really are. We really believe the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. The reality is that it's patchy and dry like the side your on.  I feel stuck and depressed.  I have to make a decision because reality is that I'm hurting someone by staying suspended. Like a bug in amber- thats not reality.

You will soon figure it out,

Honey Girl

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Country Sounds

Dear Individual,

We are stuck at home with the infinite amount of time to think or to do work. God its so difficult to do work when you feel like your in the middle of an apocalypse and life changes. I often ask myself why did I go back to California? Why did I throw my life into a cup like dice and shook it. What are the results let me see?

I am unsure. Unsure of which way to go and how to affect others. He can't be on this roller coaster forever. It's cruel and unsettling. I hated to feel as if the love I relied on wasn't stable and true.  I still have fireflies in my eyes and missing my heart. It's gone on a run after seeing you.  Gosh Darn it. It's a poem.

I still have fireflies in my eyes and I’m missing my heart

It's gone on a run after seeing you

 It's trying to catch the spray of the ocean within its hands

Trying to keep up with your shadow on that hike

I keep trying to reel it back in but its slips in out like dream

I dream about you and flickering of the lights

The way the shadows of the fire would make shapes on your cinnamon skin

I just wanted to pick each one out

A requiem to those country sounds

The sway of the grass and hot mocha against our lips

Sometimes life is picture of a scene

Unblemished and out of focus

Hazy and quick footed

Can you hear it? My heart running down that muddy path

Out of breath but not wanting to come back

So cheesy but so true. Maybe I will catch it- I need to. The reality is my life has changed since seeing you. I got a taste of other road and different views. It's easy to want to just fall back in the lull. Fall back into routine. Life is not so cut and dry and that's what I'm learning. I'm battling  feelings and emotions.

Thank you for existing and giving me the gift of different choices.

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