I'm glad to be here where I am at. I am happy to be this complicated bundle of nerves and emotions. Also I'm glad to have woken up so early and have taken advantage of it. Even tho I am tired and feel like I could easily curl up in my bed. Those are the best days, when you can softly float into another world. When the bed feels like a a mother's arms rocking you to sleep. It's so tempting often to put a PAUSE on life.
I am still unsure of my choices and of course think of you. Heck. I think of all you . Boys of my past with love hearts in their eyes. I hope your well. Wherever you are. I hope your happy and get the happiness you deserve . I wish every one of you smiles and caramel kisses. ooey gooey. The kind of love where you feel at ease with the world and finally can stop searching. I hope that love fills every crevice of your being like a wave.
Maybe you were right that day by the cows. I just hope your happy. Because that is what love is right? Selfless and free. Even without me by your side . Sometimes I am not the best choice. Sometimes our timelines were only meant to briefly pass. Like the moon just misses the sun's beams but can still feel it's warmth. Sometimes our time with people is just a warmth of a hand and a smile. There is so much in that really. It's special even if it isn't forever. Somewhere in time I am stuck there forever- smiling at you as you smile at me.
Sounds so tragic and beautiful. Do you think this is why people would paint? Just to capture the magic that lays in an evening. Maybe to hold onto it longer. They keep forgetting that oil paint and brush strokes can only do so much. Was that why van gough cut his ear and went insane. How was he to be happy when he couldn't hold it in his gaze longer then a second?
That's the hardest thing in life. Moving forward and letting yourself have more moments. It's the terrible and beautiful things about life knowing that everything will have an ending. Maybe that's why we enjoy it for a little bit longer. It's important to be present to be able to enjoy it. Many people live in the past and are constantly reminiscing. I don't want to be that person anymore.
Taking little steps forward,
Me
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