Hey there internet void,
It's ya mess of a girl or woman. Woman more like it- since I am 27. Gosh 27 years old- seems like such a grown-up age. Aren't you suppose to have your shit together by this point? A house , kids and a divine understanding about how the world works? I honestly believe its a lie that we are all told as children. That somehow as we age we become better people or that the divine being offers a bit of it's wisdom
I want to be happy and proud of the life I live. I know I am constantly holding myself back due to fear of failure. It paralyzes me so much that I don't even make a step forward or even backwards. I just stand still hoping the world will stand still with me.
Ricardo is right. I am destroying myself. I am allowing myself to stop living and they can see that I have stopped living. My life has become a series of screens in which I don't allow myself to breath or to think. I immerse myself in alternative realities because it often seems so much better then my own. But this is the coward way out and just realistically a lame way to exist. I want to feel alive and to feel alive I have to work on my self esteem.
I want to exist within my life as a major player and not just as a passive side character. My goals to getting my life back into play is:
- Do homework for my class. Don't give up! Even if your behind try to catch up as much as possible to at the very least get a C in the class. You can do this!
-Take hikes/ exercise after work. Something to get your body moving. Either take a walk or something to limber up the body. Care about what you put into your body because this is all you have for a very long time
- Do more self-care activities. Maybe during the break do meditation session. Write more often
You can do this. Stop letting fear rule your actions. It's never too late.. dont give up.
Love you
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